Mouthguarded

How much are your teeth worth to you? $2.49 before tax!


Wow, I can't remember the last time I paid less than $3.00 for ANYTHING that didn't come in an aluminum can or have "Diet" and "Coke" in the name. $2.49 is what this bad boy (The EZ Gard Strapless Mouth Protector from Sportchek) set me back today, and while reluctant to pass up the fancier ones labelled "Shock Doctor" and "Super Mouth Protector" and "Tooth Guardian" and "Bicuspid Befriender" I decided that the small price was more easily absorbed than the +$20 hit of buying the latter if my experiment turned out to be a waste of time. After arriving home and setting a pot of water to boil (got changed into my ultra-cool grey sweatshorts during the boiling phase) I followed the instructions closely on the package and let my mouthguard sit 12 seconds in the boiling water before removing it, shaking out the still very hot water and popping it into my mouth where I bit down hard and pressed my tender gums up against the searing hot plastic. I winced back tears and did my best Bulldog impersonation on the mouthguard for a solid 30 seconds while using my fingers to press it against my teeth, long enough for the Polymer blend to conform to the shape of my unfortunately British-looking grin. After trimming the ends a little bit with a pair of scissors (They stuck too far back and made me gag) I ended up with a reasonably comfortable mold of my top-teeth. Since you've already most likely viewed the picture above, you can imagine somewhat how much my incisors must protrude from my top row of teeth. Maybe I can attract some cute "Twilight" fan-girls.

Luckily as nasty as my mouthguard looked, I have to admit it definitely made a difference in my Back/Biceps workout tonight. At first it was a little uncomfortable learning to breath past it, but after a while I got used to the foreign lump of slimy plastic in my mouth and began to appreciate the way I was able to set my jaw against it during the "Go" phase of my curls and pullups. I've always had a tough time remembering to regulate my breathing while lifting, but curiously enough it was almost like wearing the mouthguard FORCED me into keeping a steady breathing rythm in which I'd inhale/grit my teeth during the concentric motion and unclench/exhale on the eccentric.

There's something comforting about being able to grit your teeth as hard as you can during a pullup without smashing the enamel on them into powder and feeling it the next day when you dunk your front teeth into a stream of hot coffee. This is a great new twist to my workout regime and I can't wait to apply it to Legs/Back on Friday! I'd recommend that anyone pick up one of these cheapos and give it a shot, it's definitely worth the $2.49.